Afterlife

Why am I so adamant that I need to fight.

Feeling this chasm of pain every night.

Why am I so adolescent about my plight.

Longing for the love, the affection, of no-one in sight.

 

Why am I so uncertain within myself.

Desiring relief and a remedy for my health.

Why am I so sorry for my lost time on the shelf.

Pining after my souls drowned wealth.

 

Why am I still shaken, afraid of life.

Thinking there’s only loneliness without my wife.

Why am I still heartsick, pierced like a knife.

Wondering if there’ll ever be anymore afterlife.

 

Ivor Steven  (c)

“Afterlife” is an older poem of mine, and today I’ve revised and re-edited the words slightly.  The original poem was written in July 2012, and feeling in a reflective mood as the New Year approaches, I decided to post this version of the poem, from my past.

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ivor20

G'day, and welcome to my blog site. My name is Ivor Steven, I live in Geelong, Australia. I'm an ex-industrial chemist, and a retired plumber, and a former Carer of my wife(Carole), for 30 years, who suffered from severe MS. I Write poetry about those personal thoughts, throughout and beyond my life as a Carer. I've been blogging for over 2 years, and writing poems for 19 years. Of course a lot of my poems are about my favourite subject Carole, but since I've been blogging my writings have become quite varied, humourous, mystical, observational, and even a few monster/horror poems.

35 thoughts on “Afterlife”

    1. Thankyou Sue for your kind words, and I don’t mean to make you cry, hopefully they’re tears of Liquid Joy. … And yes, no matter what happens our hearts are still going to have moments of reflection, and now, these days I don’t mind, I take it as Carole’s playing on my heart-strings and encouraging me with her Everlasting Smile.

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    1. Thanks Colleen, always an emotional week for me, you sit down for Christmas dinner, and you miss that “Beaming Smile”, but I now celebrate her presence, and we all put on “that” big beaming smile xx

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    1. Kayla, thank you for loving my poem, and I appreciate your genuine concern. I’m quite healed these days, and my reflective moods are now a pleasure for my soul to recall. And dear Kayla because of helpful and encouraging hints with my poem “Waterways”, I’m enjoying revisiting and restructuring some of my older poems, from over 5 to 20 years ago, and like this one “Afterlife” I think the impact is moving, and more poignant. I’ll be posting another older poem tomorrow, that I’ve rehashed, “Let The Past Be Gone”, a poem I wrote on New Years Eve 5 years ago. Again thank you for your support. xx

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  7. I love this… It’s so very reflective of the pain you suffered by losing Carole and the love you still have for her and always will. Beautifully written as always. ❤️

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    1. Oh, thank you ❤️ Ortensia. 😊. I love that you love my poem, and that means a lot to me. All my poems about those times and memories with Carole are special to me, and it’s only now after 6 years that I’ve really begun to appreciate how fortunate I was to have known my Lady, and actually understand that’s the way life is !! 😊😚

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  10. This poem is so very human and I think that’s the answer to a lot of it. I saw in another comment reply you said this is a difficult week for you, I hope you’re doing well. 💜 This is a beautiful poem.

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  11. I lost both my husband and son two years from each other, I feel their presence yet so long for their touch. I feel for you too and understand how a revisited poem can take the edge off a very lonely day. you write very tender words.

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      1. there are good and bad days, its all a roller coaster ride, hanging on I suppose is best description. i hope you have found peace and solace too after caring for her for such a long time.

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      2. Yes, thank you, I suppose I’m on the positive side of my greiving, and life is now more comfortable, the bad days become less and lesser, there’s no real cure, it’s just time, and try to stay healthy and be kind to yourself.

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  12. Loss. It is something that doesn’t stay in the lines. It bleeds out whenever it needs to. Your poem is a reflection of grief. It allows me to connect with your sorrow.
    The line that resonated with me the most was, “Why am I so sorry for my lost time on the shelf.” It is so easy to regret that loss of time on top of the loss of love.
    I also like that you posted this as a rewrite. You know that I appreciate process. Way to go.

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