Another poem from my archives, that I’ve tinkered with, and rehashed slightly. The poem was written years before Carole passed, so the wording is quite ambiguous and introverted, and I’ll leave it up to your imaginations.
Just A Call Away
Waiting, when is she to summon me.
Pondering what might have been.
Writing to one and all a finale.
Pen to paper, wanting her to see.
How I survived the Tasman Seas.
Secretly thinking I’m the chosen one.
Wondering if it’s a selfish sin.
Aching to lose, so I may win.
Ivor Steven (c) 2018.
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ivor20
G'day, and welcome to my blog site. My name is Ivor Steven, I live in Geelong, Australia. I'm an ex-industrial chemist, and a retired plumber, and a former Carer of my wife(Carole), for 30 years, who suffered from severe MS. I Write poetry about those personal thoughts, throughout and beyond my life as a Carer.
I've been blogging for over 2 years, and writing poems for 19 years. Of course a lot of my poems are about my favourite subject Carole, but since I've been blogging my writings have become quite varied, humourous, mystical, observational, and even a few monster/horror poems.
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Ivor.Plumber/Poet 
Interesting poem. So many interpretations possible, which is what we aim for. ☺💛
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For me it was the waiting,she,my mother how die already long before the final,what was left was her physical form
Natures deficit disorder,she had lost her life in the natural order then it was taking a #waiting her turn
Those lives that matter sometimes
Only matters to the
one who is trying reconcile
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Yes Sheldon, you expressed the situation correctly and graciously, thank you for understanding.
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Beautifully enigmatic
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Thank you Derrick, it was quite perplexing for me at the time. 😊
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I want to reread it to understand better then realize while I’m rereading it that it may not be for ‘me’ to understand.
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Good one Colleen, I hardly understand my own words from way back then, life was so awfully tough and completely stressful for us…. Basically waiting and knowing that the MS is getting much worse, and all the associated anxieties, of sooner or later, !!
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These words I fully understand.
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I’m glad you understand, I always have trouble trying to properly express my emotions and thoughts of those difficult times, not long after my stroke, and I don’t think I was coping that well with what life/fate had dealt us.
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It appears that you had some coping skills you put to very good use Ivor. I’m sorry for all of your pains. Life sure isn’t pain free is it?
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Thank you Colleen, “there’s no gain without pain”, and yes and my coping now is my gain. xx
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That’s the truth Ivor. ❤
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Yes, the waiting can be more stressful than the actual departure. I fully understand sheldonk’s comment, and have witnessed the same with those living with dementia. It’s almost a case of losing a loved one twice over.
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Sad, but that’s the truth Peter…..
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I’m replying to both you and Peter with this, because Peter has voiced my sentiments on this one.
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That’s why it’s called the never ending grief. When the end finally comes, it is a mix of blessing, relief, release and – finally, an ability to truly grieve the loss. I have lost many family members to dementia and know the path so well.
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Thank you Raili, and in our case dear Carole suffered 30 years of severe MS
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The waiting always overcome in feelings and emotions the real event.
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Thank you ❤️ Ortensia, and in reflection I ve learnt so much about the realities of life and about myself xx
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you have won aready with this poem, Ivor. And even if the reason is such a sad one like waiting to the end of a belovd, I want to interpretate in another way, if you allow. I concentrated on the question:
“What would be if I had…”, a question that should be forbidden! Are we selfish and are these selfish sins, or cowardice to stand by our feelings and overcome the fear. Can we always serve the big great whole, or do we loose the power we could give, if we do ignoreour own needs? Your poems are deep and touching and you can only ponder about them but never solve them. Great poetry!
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Oh Anie, thank you for your wonderfully encouraging words, and yes I have won, and I can reflect and even smile at myself, at what we went through. xxx
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that is very nice if you can laugh about yourself, because it means that you have overcome disappointments and pains. I’m experiencing my own teenage time with my daughter again. In every stage of life, you take your problems and feelings very seriously and importantly. The relation to the whole life and also the different perspectives are rarely noticed. It is also difficult, because you always define yourself in the present, in which something is and not in a retrospective whole picture. I hope I laugh a lot and loud about myself soon!
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