Category: Melancholy

Did Your Heart Stop Too?

Ten years ago today, it was the “Time” that I made a “heart stopping decision”


Did Your Heart Stop Too?


Did you cry too?

When the doctors told you

She was not going to recover


Did they ask you too?

About what you already knew

It was time

To flick the switch

And dim her light


Did your heart stop too?

Knowing

You had emptied her shoes


Did you sleep there too?

During those infinite days of blue

Softly holding her hand

And not letting go


Did you weep too?

Blankly alone

In her full room

Waiting

For her last silent breath






Ivor Steven (c) April 27th 2022

Level Seven

Today with this reblog, my hospitalisation story, in poems from three years ago continues …



Level Seven


I’m here on level seven

I might nearly see heaven

Suddenly the silent wall slaps me hard

With a soul shattering boom

My heart recites to me, her tune of doom

A building of gray bricks

Comes crashing down on me

I’m crying remorseful tears

‘Twas her hospital for thirty years

We would always either be home or here

Backwards and forwards

Short visits, long stays

Inside out, upside down

Wounded hopes, broken dreams

Decades of her gracious courage, never undenied

Now I lay on her memories, here she died


Ivor Steven (c) 2018

Moon Shadows And Celestial Lights (Revised)

I am ‘Moon-struck’ this week, and here is another “Moon” poem, which I originally wrote in May 2018, and today I am posting a new version that I revised this morning ..


Moon Shadows And Celestial Lights


I stood alone

in my second-hand clothes

holding her worn out soul

silently

I placed her ashes

in a brick wall

years of heartache

hidden in a chasm of pain

moments in time

now resting in peace


How does tomorrow become another day?

how does the past live with today?


Her moon shadows shyly tiptoe through my nights

as my hazy dreams glow under her celestial lights






Ivor Steven (c)  Revised, October 2021

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

In reply to CalmKate’s, Friday Foto Fun Prompt;  Uprooted    << Click to view Kate’s site…..

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

 

Above: The home I lived in, growing up.  Above Right: My bachelor’s pad, a first floor apartment

 

Above: Our home, Carole & I, shared for the next 37 years of togetherness. until her passing

 

Above: Were I rented for 3 years, with a lady called Sue.  Above Right: The next year I boarded here.

 

Above:  The old Tullawalla & the new Tullawalla, Mum & Dad’s, holiday house, and then their retirement home. Me and my brother (Danny) lived there for 6 months, at the end of 2016. And then at start of 2017, I moved my present home.

 

Above: My home today, the front view, and the back courtyard and verandah

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

 

I’m in an isolation cabin

Like a waiting mosquito larva

Ready to burst

Surrounded by sand and sea

And a river mouth

Tidal and free

And I share my daily bread

A piece for you, for her, for them

Thoughts of you

I dream of now, and then

I see your flowered coffin

 

I’m tangled in a cocoon

Like an angry dragon-fly

Begging to break free

Surrounded by water-grass and weed

Tea-tree and Dunes, far as the eye can see

And a garden bed

Grown from seed

And I share my weekly menu

A piece for you, for her, for them

Thoughts of you

I stare down upon a fallen brave

I see your flowered cave

 

 

Ivor Steven (c) 2018

Sorry, I’ll Be There Soon

Oh baby, I’m tired of watching

You drive my car

The wheels are on fire

Beyond the grip of my sweaty palms

Whenever, is my burn-out time due

Behind the old steering wheel

Before I finally run-out of fuel

Driving on my road, with no rear-vision view

A new license to live, and be beside you

I’m sorry, I’ve not been to see you, I’ll be there soon

Ivor Steven (c) 2019

Intrusion

I didn’t realise I had written so many of these sort of “life as a carer” poems, these were written years ago, when I was struggling with the process of coping…… Please do not over react, many years have gone by, I’m Ok these days. Hopefully my words may help other carers that maybe in a similar situation, and realise that they are not alone out there, with their thought and doubts

 

Intrusion

 

The process of being alive

Such an intrusion on going awry

The engagement of caring in life

Such an intrusion on living to get bye

 

The labour of toiling for pay

Such an intrusion on flying away

The dishonour of begging for more

Such an intrusion on failing to score

 

The exhaustion of continuing to care

Such an intrusion on needing to dare

The silence of the evening moon

Such an intrusion on hearing too soon

 

The explosion of morning sunlight

Such an intrusion on pleading for quiet

The disharmony of singing this song

Such an intrusion in sighing, so long

 

Ivor Steven (c)  2019

 

Don’t Ask Me Why

Hi dear readers, I’ve found this old poem in my folder of poetry called “Love And Reflection”. I’ve changed a few words, so the poem is in the present tense, but basically the words are in the same format. I’ve had it hidden away for a while, the poem is quite personal and emotional for me, I hope you enjoy reading my words from 6 years ago.

Don’t Ask Me Why

 

Unknowingly, I often dream of her serene ashen face

Years ago, I gently held her frailty in my tired arms

Softly I whispered to her, my last words of love and grace

Don’t ask me why, I count the moons since I missed her charms

Because I cannot give you a sensible or plausible answer

Don’t ask me why, I count the stars since I lost my way

Because I’m unable to fathom the depths of my inner cancer

Don’t ask me why, I count my every heart beat, since she died that day

Because now, I’ve nearly recovered

And somehow, life has been steadily rediscovered

Remembering, she’ll never ever go away

Knowing someday, I’ll be allowed to stay

 

Ivor Steven (c)  2019