Category: Melancholy

Seventy-one Today

I went to a friend’s funeral yesterday afternoon, he was Seventy-one too, and a few weeks ago I went to see him in hospital after he had suffered a bad stroke … He was home alone, and they found him on the floor 3 days after he had the stroke … We went to school together 55 years ago … Last night I was sad and alone with my furry friend Frankie … Today is my 71st birthday, and I am emotionally appreciating life, after suffering 3 strokes of my own in recent times …
Attacked below is a new song by Loner Deer, ‘Leather Hat’ and his lyrics, seem to capture the feelings of my mood and thoughts today.


Loner Deer. ‘Leather Hat’, Lyrics

Today, no one came in my team
But I don’t wanna be the one
Who got no friends, no buddies in the house
But it’s not a big deal ’cause I never be alone
Under my Leather Hat, under my leather hat

This morning I want to play, but Momma said “no”
I have to clean my room but I just wanna be outside
Hang out with my friends, but I don’t have many plans
So, I’m just waiting in my bed and looking on the wall
At my leather hat, at my leather hat
Give me trust and give me wings, I guess some people want it
But I ain’t looking for the fame, I don’t forget where I come from

When Grandpa drives me through the fields
He tells me what I have to think about
That no one tells me what to do
I’m rich, I’m strong, I’m feeling good
Under my leather hat, under my leather hat

Give me trust and give me wings, I guess some people want it
But I ain’t looking for the fame, I don’t forget where I come from

Today, no one came in my team
But I don’t wanna be the one
Who got no friends, no buddies in the house
But it’s not a big deal ’cause I never be alone
Under my Leather Hat, under my leather hat






Ivor Steven (c) July 2022

Her Everlasting Smile (a Villanelle)

Next Sunday at my monthly “Poetry Dome” meeting we are required to write a ‘Villanelle’ , and below is my attempt at the ‘Format’ … which I have adapted from an old favourite poem of mine, “Everlasting Smile”, you’ll find my original poem attached below the Villanelle …


Her Everlasting Smile (a Villanelle)




I wonder, was it all worthwhile

My chest, heavy as never before

Remembering, her everlasting smile


I look back, on her unfortunate life-style

Being unable to walk and talk anymore

I wonder, was it all worthwhile


I relive, her personal exile

My throat, swollen and sore

Remembering, her everlasting smile


I hesitate, retracing every mile

My tears, splash on the floor

I wonder, was it all worthwhile


I cringe, behind my happy profile

My heart, has forgotten how to roar

Remembering, her everlasting smile


I sleep alone, awaiting the next trial

My tongue, tired, needs to say more

I wonder, was it all worthwhile

Remembering, her everlasting smile




______________________________________
______________________________________

Everlasting Smile


My eyes, narrowly cracked.
My cheeks, slightly etched.
I rest here, retracing every mile.
Remembering, your everlasting smile.

My lips, already dry.
My tongue, trying to say goodbye.
I wonder, was it all worthwhile.
Remembering, your loneliest smile.

My throat, lumpy and sore.
My chest, heavy as never before.
I look back, recalling your life-style.
Remembering, your younger smile.

My lungs, empty and tight.
My legs, weak and light.
I relive, your personal exile.
Remembering, your generous smile.

My head, spinning from fright.
My heart, deep and out of sight.
I sleep alone, crying like a child.
Remembering, your everlasting smile.






Ivor Steven (c) July 2022

Throwback Friday, A Voice in the Mist, by Ivor Steven

I found this old poem in a dusty foolscap folder under a pile of “stuff” I was tidying up … maybe from 15 years …

Go Dog Go Café

Today’s poem is one that I have not published on my web/blog site, and I am not sure when I first wrote the original words. Up until now, this a piece that has been filed away in a foolscap folder.

A Voice in the Mist

The moon’s my patriarch

My dream, glowing in the dark

She’s a vision, no feel, no mound

Only a voice, without sound

A distant shining, so forlorn

My heartache until dawn

She’s a pillow, no caress, no kiss

Only a voice, from beyond the mist

Ivor Steven (c) July 2022

G’day, and welcome to my blog site. My name is Ivor Steven, I live in Geelong, Australia. I’m an ex-industrial chemist, and a retired plumber, and a former Carer of my wife(Carole), for 30 years, who suffered from severe MS. I Write poetry about those personal thoughts, throughout and beyond my life as a Carer…

View original post 51 more words

Did Your Heart Stop Too?

Ten years ago today, it was the “Time” that I made a “heart stopping decision”


Did Your Heart Stop Too?


Did you cry too?

When the doctors told you

She was not going to recover


Did they ask you too?

About what you already knew

It was time

To flick the switch

And dim her light


Did your heart stop too?

Knowing

You had emptied her shoes


Did you sleep there too?

During those infinite days of blue

Softly holding her hand

And not letting go


Did you weep too?

Blankly alone

In her full room

Waiting

For her last silent breath






Ivor Steven (c) April 27th 2022

Level Seven

Today with this reblog, my hospitalisation story, in poems from three years ago continues …



Level Seven


I’m here on level seven

I might nearly see heaven

Suddenly the silent wall slaps me hard

With a soul shattering boom

My heart recites to me, her tune of doom

A building of gray bricks

Comes crashing down on me

I’m crying remorseful tears

‘Twas her hospital for thirty years

We would always either be home or here

Backwards and forwards

Short visits, long stays

Inside out, upside down

Wounded hopes, broken dreams

Decades of her gracious courage, never undenied

Now I lay on her memories, here she died


Ivor Steven (c) 2018

Moon Shadows And Celestial Lights (Revised)

I am ‘Moon-struck’ this week, and here is another “Moon” poem, which I originally wrote in May 2018, and today I am posting a new version that I revised this morning ..


Moon Shadows And Celestial Lights


I stood alone

in my second-hand clothes

holding her worn out soul

silently

I placed her ashes

in a brick wall

years of heartache

hidden in a chasm of pain

moments in time

now resting in peace


How does tomorrow become another day?

how does the past live with today?


Her moon shadows shyly tiptoe through my nights

as my hazy dreams glow under her celestial lights






Ivor Steven (c)  Revised, October 2021

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

In reply to CalmKate’s, Friday Foto Fun Prompt;  Uprooted    << Click to view Kate’s site…..

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

 

Above: The home I lived in, growing up.  Above Right: My bachelor’s pad, a first floor apartment

 

Above: Our home, Carole & I, shared for the next 37 years of togetherness. until her passing

 

Above: Were I rented for 3 years, with a lady called Sue.  Above Right: The next year I boarded here.

 

Above:  The old Tullawalla & the new Tullawalla, Mum & Dad’s, holiday house, and then their retirement home. Me and my brother (Danny) lived there for 6 months, at the end of 2016. And then at start of 2017, I moved my present home.

 

Above: My home today, the front view, and the back courtyard and verandah

By The Waters Edge, (Tullawalla)

 

I’m in an isolation cabin

Like a waiting mosquito larva

Ready to burst

Surrounded by sand and sea

And a river mouth

Tidal and free

And I share my daily bread

A piece for you, for her, for them

Thoughts of you

I dream of now, and then

I see your flowered coffin

 

I’m tangled in a cocoon

Like an angry dragon-fly

Begging to break free

Surrounded by water-grass and weed

Tea-tree and Dunes, far as the eye can see

And a garden bed

Grown from seed

And I share my weekly menu

A piece for you, for her, for them

Thoughts of you

I stare down upon a fallen brave

I see your flowered cave

 

 

Ivor Steven (c) 2018